When my wife and I converted, we felt it necessary to discuss and implement changes in our family dynamic. Both of us, as Catholic converts and young Conservatives, felt the call to embrace and adopt more traditional roles and values. Example: Mom is the homemaker and Dad is the chief breadwinner (it goes deeper that just this, and I'm sure we will get into that later.) Both have their roles in and out of the Home, but we wanted to have more clear and concise lines drawn than the majority of our contemporary counterparts.
Now I will be the first to admit that this was a fairly foreign concept to me (and quite honestly and ironically, mostly my wife's idea) because like a lot of men in my generation, it simply wasn't the way I was brought up. My family was and is a Matriarchy, sure Dad worked but he certainly didn't have a much deeper role in the family other than assistant. Mom was the Alpha and Omega. She was in charge of the finances, decision making, discipline, and every other duty that would traditionally fall on the father's shoulders. Dad's job was simply to bring home money, and back mom up, certainly not to be in charge. What kind of example would that set?
Without going into detail, I will say that I understand why my mother took charge as Head of the Household and I certainly have no ill thoughts of her, our family, or the way she raised us. She was and is a good, loving, and compassionate woman and mother who did the best she could with the circumstances she had. However, this gave me a skewed view of masculinity and the role of Dad, not only in the home, but in society in general. So when my wife approached me with this idea, it was an uneasy topic to say the least. I was comfortable with her in charge of finances, and the big choices. Discipline, who wants to be the bad guy? What do I know about running a home, about taking charge, or setting a good example? And for the love of God why, why would I want to do this?
Here's what Ed Willock says about it;
The average American family is approaching a matriarchy. Sons are adopting the virtues of their mothers for lack of a substantial display of masculine virtue by the fathers. The movies, radio and comic strips have all adopted this theme of masculine inferiority in the home, and i rings appallingly true in life. Among the faithful in the Church it is as evident as elsewhere. The expression of the faith today is primarily private devotion and not public apostolicity, and it is the former that appeals most to women and the latter which appeals most to men. Even the parochial men's groups have taken on a feminine flavor, hardly relieved by the occasional "sport nite." Not the least misfortune that results from this feminization is that these male parochial groups act as buffers between clergy and other men who, though possibly less pious, possess an aggressive masculinity ripe for conversion to the apostolate.
The constant and endless regard of today's good husband for the well-being of his family, so that he saves from the time of their birth for the education of his children, while his neighbor's children starve, or while his local political system grows corrupt, or his faith goes unchampioned, or his brother is exploited, is a sign of the times. It is goodness measured by the standard of the wife, and thus she is the actual head of the family. This is not good headship measured by any objective standard. Such a father may leave an inheritance of wealth to his sons, whereas what they need most is masculine virtue lived out for their emulation. The son in such a matriarchy of predominately feminine concerns, becomes one of those lads whose lack of masculine virtue has been called "momism." Under stress he becomes inoperative for lack of the soothing hand of a tender woman on his brow. He is of little use to the army, and is poor material for Catholic Action. Unless he mends his ways, the son of such a father will prove to be a greater handicap to his future wife than was his dad. He will be just another child for his wife to care for. Until men go back to the masculine pursuits of devotion to the common good, relating his talents of their children to the common good, they will fail to fulfill amply the office of head of the family.
-Integrity Magazine, May 1947 vol.1, no.8
That's why, to live out masculine virtue for my children to emulate, and so that I do not become just another child for my wife to care for. I truly believe that someday each and every one of us will have to give account to God for the souls he has entrusted to our care, I for one would like to hear "Well done good and faithful servant."
So, Put that in your pipe and smoke it,
Paul Kemp Jr.
Devoted husband, loving father, hockey fanatic, passionate Catholic.
